Chapter 14, Your Subconscious Mind and Marital Problems
Ignorance of the functions and powers of the mind is the cause of all marital trouble.
Each using the law of mind correctly can solve friction between husband and wife. By
praying together they stay together. The contemplation of divine ideals, the study of the
laws of life, the mutual agreement on a common purpose and plan, and the enjoyment of
personal freedom bring about that harmonious marriage, that wedded bliss, that sense
of oneness where the two become one.
The best time to prevent divorce is before marriage. It is not wrong to try to get out of a
very bad situation. But, why get into the bad situation in the first place? Would it not be
better to give attention to the real cause of marital problems, in other words, to really get
at the root of the matter involved?
As with all other problems of men and women, the problems of divorce, separation,
annulment, and endless litigation are directly traceable to lack of knowledge of the
working and interrelationship of the conscious and subconscious mind.
The meaning of marriage
Marriage to be real must first be on a spiritual basis. It must be of the heart, and the heart
is the chalice of love. Honesty, sincerity, kindness, and integrity are also forms of love.
Each partner should be perfectly honest and sincere with the other. It is not a true
marriage when a man marries a woman for her money, social position, or to lift his ego,
because this indicates a lack of sincerity, honesty, and true love. Such a marriage is a
farce, a sham, and a masquerade.
When a woman says, “I am tired working; I want to get married because I want security,”
her premise is false. She is not using the laws of mind correctly. Her security depends
upon her knowledge of the interaction of the conscious and subconscious mind and its
application. For example, a woman will never lack for wealth or health if she applies the
techniques outlined in the respective chapters of this book. Her wealth can come to her
independent of her husband, father, or anyone else. A woman is not dependent on her
husband for health, peace, joy, inspiration, guidance, love, wealth, security, happiness, or
anything in the world. Her security and peace of mind come from her knowledge of the
inner powers within her and from the constant use of the laws of her own mind in a
constructive fashion.
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How to attract the ideal husband
You are now acquainted with the way your subconscious mind works. You know that
whatever you impress upon it will be experienced in your world. Begin now to impress
your subconscious mind with the qualities and characteristics you desire in a man.
The following is an excellent technique: Sit down at night in your armchair, close your
eyes, let go, relax the body, become very quiet, passive, and receptive. Talk to your
subconscious mind and say to it, “I am now attracting a man into my experience who is
honest, sincere, loyal, faithful, peaceful, happy, and prosperous. These qualities, which I
admire, are sinking down into my subconscious mind now. As I dwell upon these
characteristics, they become a part of me and are embodied subconsciously. “I know
there is an irresistible law of attraction and that I attract to me a man according to my
subconscious belief. I attract that which I feel to be true in my subconscious mind.
“I know I can contribute to his peace and happiness. He loves my ideals, and I love his
ideals. He does not want to make me over; neither do I want to make him over. There is
mutual love, freedom, and respect.”
Practice this process o f impregnating your subconscious mind. Then, you will have the
joy of attracting to you a man possessing the qualities and characteristics you mentally
dwelt upon. Your subconscious intelligence will open up a pathway, whereby both of you
will meet, according to the irresistible and changeless flow of your own subconscious
mind. Have a keen desire to give the best that is in you of love, devotion, and
cooperation. Be receptive to this gift of love, which you have given to your subconscious
mind.
How to attract the ideal wife
Affirm as follows: “I now attract the right woman who is in complete accord with me.
This is a spiritual union because it is divine love functioning through the personality of
someone with whom I blend perfectly. I know I can give to this woman love, light, peace,
and joy. I feel and believe I can make this woman’s life full, complete, and wonderful.
“I now decree that she possesses the following qualities and attributes: She is spiritual,
loyal, faithful, and true. She is harmonious, peaceful, and happy. We are irresistibly
attracted to each other. Only that which belongs to love, truth, and beauty can enter my
experience. I accept my ideal companion now.”
As you think quietly and with interest on the qualities and attributes, which you admire in
the companion you seek, you will build the mental equivalent into your mentality. Then,
the deeper currents of your subconscious mind will bring both of you together in divine
order.
No need for third mistake
Recently a teacher said to me, “I have had three husbands and all three have been passive,
submissive, and dependent on me to make all decisions and govern everything. Why do I
attract such type men?” I asked her whether she had known that her second husband was
the effeminate type, and she replied, “Of course not.
Had I known, I would not have married him.” Apparently she had not learned anything
from the first mistake. The trouble was with her personality makeup. She was very
masculine, domineering, and unconsciously wanted someone who would be submissive
and passive so that she could play the dominant role. All this was unconscious
motivation, and her subconscious picture attracted to her what she subjectively wanted.
She had to learn to break the pattern by adopting the right prayer process.
How she broke the negative pattern
The abovementioned woman learned a simple truth. When you believe you can have the
type of man you idealize, it is done unto you, as you believe. The following is the specific
prayer she used to break the old subconscious pattern and attract to her the ideal mate: “I
am building into my mentality the type of man I deeply desire. The man I attract for a
husband is strong, powerful, loving, very masculine, successful, honest, loyal, and
faithful. He finds love and happiness with me. I love to follow where he leads.
“I know he wants me, and I want him. I am honest, sincere, loving, and kind. I have
wonderful gifts to offer him. They are good will, a joyous heart, and a healthy body. He
offers me the same. It is mutual. I give and I receive.
Divine intelligence knows where this man is, and the deeper wisdom of my subconscious
mind is now bringing both of us together in its own way, and we recognize each other
immediately. I release this request to my subconscious mind, which knows how to bring
my request to pass. I give thanks for the perfect answer.”
She prayed in the above manner night and morning, affirming these truths and knowing
that through frequent occupation of the mind she would reach the mental equivalent of
that which she sought.
The answer to her prayer
Several months went by. She had a great number of dates and social engagements, none
of which was agreeable to her. When she was about to question, waiver, doubt, and
vacillate, she reminded herself that the infinite intelligence was bringing it to pass in
its own way and that there was nothing to be concerned about. Her final decree in her
divorce proceedings was granted which brought her a great sense of release and mental
freedom.
Shortly afterward she went to work as a receptionist in a doctor’s office. She told me that
the minute she saw the physician she knew he was the man she was praying about.
Apparently he knew it, too, because he proposed to her the first week she was in the
office, and their subsequent marriage was ideally happy. This physician was not the
passive or submissive type, but was a real man, a former football player, an outstanding
athlete, and was a deeply spiritual man though he was completely devoid of any sectarian
or denominational affiliation.
She got what she prayed for because she claimed it mentally until she reached the point
of saturation. In other words, she mentally and emotionally united with her idea, and it
became a part of her in the same way that an apple becomes a part of her blood stream.
Should I get a divorce?
Divorce is an individual problem. It cannot be generalized. In some cases, of course,
there never should have been a marriage. In some cases, divorce is not the solution, no
more so than marriage is the solution for a lonely man. Divorce may be right for one
person and wrong for another. A divorced woman may be far more sincere and noble
than many of her married sisters who perhaps are living a lie.
For example, I once talked with a woman whose husband was a dope fiend, an ex-
convict, a wife beater, and a non-provider. She had been told it was wrong to get a
divorce. I explained to her that marriage is of the heart. If two hearts blend harmoniously,
lovingly, and sincerely, that is the ideal marriage. The pure action of the heart is love.
Following this explanation she knew what to do. She knew in her heart that there is no
divine law which compelled her to be browbeaten, intimidated, and beaten because
someone said, “I pronounce you man and wife.”
If you are in doubt as to what to do, ask for guidance, knowing that there is always an
answer, and you will receive it. Follow the lead that comes to you in the silence of your
soul. It speaks to you in peace.
Drifting into divorce
Recently a young couple, married for only a few months, was seeking a divorce. I
discovered that the young man had a constant fear that his wife would leave him. He
expected rejection, and he believed that she would be unfaithful. These thoughts haunted
his mind, and became an obsession with him. His mental attitude was one of separation and
suspicion. She felt unresponsive to him; it was his own feeling or atmosphere of loss and
separation operating through them. This brought about a condition or action in accordance
with the mental pattern behind it. There is a law of action and reaction, or cause and effect.
The thought is the action, and the response of the subconscious mind is the reaction. His wife
left home and asked for a divorce, which is what he feared and believed she would do.
Divorce begins in the mind
Divorce takes place first in the mind; the legal proceedings follow after. These two young
people were full of resentment, fear, suspicion, and anger. These attitudes weaken,
exhaust, and debilitate the whole being. They learned that hate divides and that love
unites. They began to realize what they had been doing with their minds. Neither one of
them knew the law of mental action, nor they were misusing their minds and bringing on
chaos and misery. These two people went back together at my suggestion and
experimented with prayer therapy.
They began to radiate love, peace, and good will to each other. Each one practiced
radiating harmony, health, peace, and love to the other, and they alternated in the reading
of the Psalms every night. Their marriage is growing more beautiful every day.
The nagging wife
Many times the reason the wife nags is because she gets no attention. Oftentimes, it is a
craving for love and affection. Give your wife attention, and show your appreciation.
Praise and exalt all her many good points. There is also the nagging type of woman who
wants to make the man conform to her particular pattern. This is about the quickest way
in the world to get rid of a man.
The wife and the husband must cease being scavengers— always looking at the petty
faults or errors in each other. Let each give attention and praise for the constructive and
wonderful qualities in the other.
The brooding husband
If a man begins to brood, grows morbid against his wife because of the things she said or
did, he is, psychologically speaking, committing adultery. One of the meanings of
adultery is idolatry, i.e., giving attention to or uniting mentally with that which is
negative and destructive. When a man is silently resenting his wife and is full of hostility
toward her, he is unfaithful. He is not faithful to his marriage vows, which are to love,
cherish, and honor her all the days of his life.
The man who is brooding, bitter, and resentful can swallow his sharp remarks, abate his
anger, and he can go to great lengths to be considerate, kind, and courteous. He can deftly
skirt the differences. Through praise and mental effort, he can get out of the habit of
antagonism. Then, he will be able to get along better, not only with his wife, but with
business associates also. Assume the harmonious state, and eventually you will find
peace and harmony.
The great mistake
A great mistake is to discuss your marital problems or difficulties with neighbors and
relatives. Suppose, for example, a wife says to the neighbor, “John never gives me any
money. He treats my mother abominably, drinks to excess, and is constantly abusive and
insulting.” Now, this wife is degrading and belittling her husband in the eyes of all the
neighbors and relatives. He no longer appears as the ideal husband to them. Never discuss
your marital problems with anyone except a trained counselor. Why cause numerous
people to think negatively of your marriage? Moreover, as you discuss and dwell upon
these shortcomings of your husband, you are actually creating these states within
yourself. Who is thinking and feeling it? You are! As you think and feel, so are you.
Relatives will usually give you the wrong advice. It is usually biased and prejudiced
because it is not given in an impersonal way. Any advice you receive which violates the
golden rule, which is a cosmic law, is not good or sound.
It is well to remember that no two human beings ever lived beneath the same roof without
clashes of temperament, periods of hurts and strain. Never display the unhappy side of
your marriage to your friends. Keep your quarrels to yourself. Refrain from criticism and
condemnation of your partner.
Don’t try to make your wife over
A husband must not try to make his wife over into a second edition of himself. The
tactless attempt to change her in many ways is foreign to her nature. These attempts are
always foolish, and many times result in dissolution of the marriage. These attempts to
alter her destroy her pride and self-esteem, and arouse a spirit of contrariness and
resentment that proves fatal to the marriage bond.
Adjustments are needed, of course, but if you have a good look inside your own mind,
and study your character and behavior, you will find so many shortcomings, they will
keep you busy the rest of your Me. If you say, “I will make him over into what I want,”
you are looking for trouble and the divorce court. You are asking for misery. You will
have to learn the hard way that there is no one to change but yourself.
Pray together and stay together through steps in prayer
The first step: Never carry over from one day to another accumulated irritations arising
from little disappointments. Be sure to forgive each other for any sharpness before you
retire at night. The moment you awaken in the morning, claim infinite intelligence is
guiding you in all your ways. Send out loving thoughts of peace, harmony, and love to
your marriage partner, to all members of the family, and to the whole world.
The second step: Say grace at breakfast. Give thanks for the wonderful food, for your
abundance, and for all your blessings. Make sure that no problems, worries, or arguments
shall enter into the table conversation; the same applies at dinnertime. Say to your wife or
husband, “I appreciate all you are doing, and I radiate love and good will to you all day
long.”
The third step: The husband and wife should alternate in praying each night. Do not take
your marriage partner for granted. Show your appreciation and love. Think appreciation
and good will, rather than condemnation, criticism, and nagging. The way to build a
peaceful home and a happy marriage is to use a foundation of love, beauty, harmony,
mutual respect, faith in God, and all things good. Read the 23rd, 27th, and 91st Psalms,
the 11th chapter of Hebrews, the 13th chapter of I Corinthians, and other great texts of the
Bible before going to sleep. As you practice these truths, your marriage will grow more and
more blessed through the years.
Review your actions
1. Ignorance of mental and spiritual laws is the cause of all marital unhappiness. By
praying scientifically together, you stay together.
2. The best time to prevent divorce is before marriage. If you learn how to pray in the
right way, you will attract the right mate for you.
3. Marriage is the union of a man and woman who are bound together by love. Their
hearts beat as one, and they move onward, upward, and Godward.
4. Marriage does not bequeath happiness. People find happiness by dwelling on the
eternal truths of God and the spiritual values of life. Then, the man and woman can
contribute to each other’s happiness and joy.
5. You attract the right mate by dwelling on the qualities and characteristics you admire
in a woman or a man, and then your subconscious mind will bring you together in divine
order.
6. You must build into your mentality the mental equivalent of what you want in a
marriage partner. If you want to attract an honest, sincere, and loving partner in life, you
must be honest, sincere, and loving yourself.
7. You do not have to repeat mistakes in marriage. When you really believe you can have
the type man or woman you idealize, it is done unto you, as you believe. To believe is to
accept something as true. Accept your ideal companion now mentally.
8. Do not wonder how, why, or where you will meet the mate you are praying for. Trust
implicitly the wisdom of your subconscious mind. It has the “knowhow,” and you don’t
have to assist it.
9. You are mentally divorced when you indulge in peeves, grudges, ill will, and hostility
toward your marriage partner. You are mentally dwelling with error in the bed of your
mind. Adhere to your marriage vows, “I promise to cherish, love, and honor him (or her)
all the days of my life.”
10. Cease projecting fear patterns to your marriage partner. Project love, peace, harmony,
and good will, and your marriage will grow more beautiful and more wonderful through
the years.
11. Radiate love, peace, and good will to each other. These vibrations are picked up by
the subconscious mind resulting in mutual trust, affection, and respect.
12. A nagging wife is usually seeking attention and appreciation. She is craving for love
and affection. Praise and exalt her many good points. Show her that you love her and
appreciate her.
13. A man who loves his wife does not do anything unloving or unkind in word, manner,
or action. Love is what love does.
14. In marital problems, always seek expert advice. You would not go to a carpenter to
pull a tooth; neither should you discuss your marriage problems with relatives or friends.
You should go to a trained person for counsel.
15. Never try to make your wife or husband over. These attempts are always foolish and
tend to destroy the pride and self esteem of the other. Moreover, it arouses a spirit of
resentment that proves fatal to the marriage bond. Cease trying to make the other a
second edition of yourself.
16. Pray together and you will stay together. Scientific prayer solves all problems.
Mentally picture your wife as she ought to be, joyous, happy, healthy, and beautiful. See
your husband, as he ought to be, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious, and kind.
Maintain this mental picture, and you will experience the marriage made in heaven,
which is harmony and peace.
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